Bittersweet

I love this little man.

I love him so much it makes my chest tight and it's hard to breathe.

It's almost a physical pain.

I want him to stay my baby forever.

While I do not miss those first long months with little-to-no sleep at all, I miss the snuggles and holding him as he slept on my chest. I miss listening

to the gentle and adorable baby snores, and watching the soft, swift, sleep smiles of dreaming.

I'm excited for him to be able to eat something other than mushes and milk, but at the same time, I wish he would stop growing teeth, 

so I'll always have his adorable toothless smile.

Gummy baby smiles are the most perfect smiles in the world.

I'll miss his soft baby smell--there is no other smell quite like it in the world.  It's more elusive and indefinable than the smell of rain or baked bread (I'm not talking about the J & J clean baby smell, although that is nice too). 

I'm excited for him to learn to talk, but I will dearly miss how he babbles and coos. I will miss his little laughs and squeals.

  

I can't wait to see what his hair color will be, but I will miss kissing his soft, downy, almost-bald head 
(and covering it with adorable little hats).

Sometimes I wish I could freeze this moment, right here, right now, and live in it forever.

I want him to always look at me as he does now, his face full of pure adoration and love. 

I'm his entire world, his safe place, and he is utterly confident in me, trusting me with no hesitation or inhibitions.

While at times that trust and complete dependence is somewhat terrifying, it's painful knowing that as he learns and grows, his world will expand beyond me. I'll become smaller and smaller until I only exist on the periphery. 
He will always be my son, but he won't always be my darling baby.

But I wouldn't have it any other way. 
I'll take the bitter with the sweet. 

I look forward to him growing and learning, and helping him along the way. 

I look forward to watching him discover his hopes and dreams, his likes and dislikes, his talents, along with those things he will need to work on a little. 

I can't wait to introduce him to my favorite books, teach him how to play instruments and games, take him to museums, libraries, markets, beaches, mountains, amusement parks, water parks, and other favorite places.

I hope he always reaches for the stars, and that he always strives to be the best he can be. I'll always be there for him, I'll always love him, and one day I'll see the man he will become. 

So I'll take the bitter with the sweet.